past (go back »)

my comp crashed so i was not able to update this very useful fricken thing.

 

Saturday November 22

I bled from an abnormal place thurs & was really scared.

i called my mom & after the second most comforting person, him.

he was shocked, consoled me & quickly hung up b.c fam was there.

i understood & expected his call the next day but nada.

fri passed & so did sat without a ring.

i found it messed up that he didn\'t care. we spoke all the time, but when i need him the most he was...nowhere to be found.

he IMed me like nothing & i didn\'t say much.

Thanksgiving came & i was thankful for it.

 

 

 

 

Friday Novemeber 14th

Me & him had an arguement b.c he didn\'t ask to see me.

I asked him if I could go & he totally avoided my question.

several times.

i became forocious & attacked his personality.

without noticing of course.

 

Later i got the stupid call from my friend Subi

drama as usual with one of my guy "friends" 

 

That night I smoked weed til I couldn\'t smoke anymore.

I went to a party & called him from the bathroom.

I then told my friends I was going outside & walked back to my room.

We talked til noon.

 

That very early morning of Sat the 19th I found out a few revelations.

 

the fact that my attack on his personality actually hurt him

and that he never wanted to get together, he wanted to fuck girls but have me too.

of course he wouldn\'t say that but i pulled it out of him like teeth

as i pulled each tooth i cut my fingers on them & bled profusely.

 

that afternoon i awoke sober & the emotions i experiences were all too real.

raw, uncut, i felt sad, angry, miserable, helpless, like dying, plus a whole lot more.

i texted my friend & she said she was on her way home.

so i asked him if i could goto his place.

he prob heard the despartion in my voice.

& agreed imediately.

i hopped in her car & trecked over there.

sunday afternoon i didn\'t goto my friends birthday brunch & slept in his bed.

i stayed until monday & forgot most of what had happened.

until i awoke mon night startled until i spotted him & realized everything was okay...